Snack Watch: The Final Chapter – For the Love of Snacks

These days its few and far in between the times I get excited by my old friend The Snack Machine. At this point in our relationship we’re just going through the motions. I walk into the lunchroom glance in his direction…apathetically grunt, fill my mug with water and trudge back to my desk. He sits there, dead eyed; the low din of electric current pumping through his circuits, keeping him alive for just one more snack order. Its a sad reality. I guess we’ve fallen into a rut.

I remember the days when new snacks would send shockwaves throughout the office. The Jumbo Honey-Bun craze of 2007 sent my coworkers into a sugar fueled frenzy. “Dirty Chip-Ocolypse ’09” threatened to shut down production as eager snackers, with dollars clenched and mouths agape, jockeyed for position in front of the corporate cornucopia. Those were the glory days. But I’m older now…We’re ALL older now. The calories brought on by Kit Kats and Cheeze-Itz don’t melt off like they used to.

Our minds have been trained to eschew any food item we’ve seen replicated on a Nascar paint job. Was the cream filling in that Devil Dog locally sourced? Does the vending machine guy have proper health coverage????? Some how, some way, life got in the way of snacking. But what is life if we don’t have snacks????

Snacking may not be convenient or healthy or in line with your moral/political views…but it is a CHOICE. Remember, there are some people in offices WITHOUT a snack machine. Those poor souls who brave the elements and go to Duane Reade for an afternoon sugar fix, just to keep themselves awake at their desk for another two hours. When was the last time the snack machine gave you a 3 foot long receipt with useless coupons on it like our “friends” at Duane Reade??? I’ll tell you when…NEVER. With the sliding of some currency in a slot and the push of a few buttons we continue a legacy that started with the pilgrims hundreds of years ago. To be Americans means to have choices…to be American means to have snacks.

All That being said… There’s cheesy garlic bread flavored Lays chips in the vending machine today. You know you’ve seen them. Sitting there, buttery yellow packaging glistening like a snack beacon in the fluorescent light. Calling to the depths of your soul. Igniting horrible memories of the days when there were only 2 flavors of chips. A loyal old friend, Trying to remind you that we’re still living in a golden age of snacking Cheesy garlic chips may not sound appealing, or maybe you’re not even hungry. That doesn’t matter.

Cast away any logical thought, take a walk over to Ol’ Vendy and make him feel useful again. He’s been there for you this whole time. Baring his snacks, waiting for the day you cast away from the dock of monotony  and sail into his cellophane packaged paradise

“211”- Push it, hear the coil churn , watch the chips free fall as if they were a heavenly gift from the snack Gods. Once you break that heat sealed package,  you’re connecting with centuries (eh maybe a few years) of snackers across the globe All of you united with one common thread. SNACKS.